There once was a guy. Otis was his name. This guy was hungry. This guy Otis
was hungry. He looked out the window at the springtime weather, but had to stop
because he was hungry. His stomach went a-grumble-grumble-grumble. Ouch!
Thought Otis. He couldn’t drive cars, but he sure could ride bikes, so he didn’t think of
cars. He thought of bikes. Right then and there, even though he was starving, he
thought of bikes. “Enough of these thoughts of bikes” thought Otis. He went into his
kitchen to cook up a feast. First he would make a pound of salmon. He got a large
chunk of salmon out of the refrigerator. Otis marinated this salmon back in the day, but
this would not be enough. He wanted more flavor. Otis took the marinating powder
from his cabinet. Otis kneaded the marinating powder into the salmon. He went:
PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH; KNEADY, KNEADY, KNEADY. He put it away for
later. Otis went to lick his hands clean, but he soon realized he could not play because
he was handling raw fish. He washed his hands with warm water and Ivory soap in bar
form. After this he took out a papaya and two bananas. He washed these fruits just to
wash the fruit. He dried the fruits, because you can’t wash something without drying it.
He cut the papaya in half, cut all of the seeds out of the middle and skinned that
papaya. He cut the papaya into chunks and put it into a blender. Then he peeled the
two bananas and put them in the blender. He blended these fruits and poured the mix
into a large milkshake glass. This glass was chilled. This would be his drink. Now he
took the salmon and put in on the grill. SSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Said the salmon! And
then the grill said: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- woah-ooh-oh-oooh-oh!!!!!! He let the salmon
sit on the grill for one, two, three, four, five, {flip the salmon} six, seven, eight, eight and
a half, nine minutes. It was done! He put the piece of fish on a plate. Then he took one
green pepper out of the fridge. Then he took one orange pepper out of the fridge.
Then he took asparagus out of the fridge, but put it back in the fridge. Then he took ice
cream out of the fridge and put it back in the fridge because using it made absolutely
no sense. He chopped up a green pepper into little tiny pieces and put them on top of
the fish. He went choppie-choppie-choppie, choppie-choppie-choppie, ch-ch-ch-
choppie. He chopped up an orange pepper into little pieces. Once again, he went a-
choppie-choppie, ch-ch-choppie. He took these pieces and put them on top of the
green pepper and the fish. He brought the plate and his giant milkshake cup to the
table. He sat down at the table. Oops, Otis forgot something. He forgot his darned
utensils and his goddamned napkin. He got back up and got one darn fork, one darn
knife, one goddamned napkin and one straw. Then he went back to the table. He ate
the food. It tasted so good! Otis wasn’t hungry anymore. He felt great. He felt like the
lion when it is relaxing outside of the library. What could he do now? RIDE BIKES!
Otis ran to the window. Oh, he wouldn’t be able to do any bike riding today. There were
severe showers in the streets. Otis looked as hard as he could for a break in the
clouds, but he could find no such thing. Otis thought about this for a moment. He was
certainly sad. He suddenly ran into his room and dove into his bed. He fell fast asleep.
He dreamt of bike riding. He dreamt he was bike riding with the girls. He dreamt he was
bike riding in the sun.
THE END