Once upon a time Scottie Pippen is the greatest. He bust those
without any compassion. What a great basketball player!!!!! I give him
much respect because when he is on the court, he can rock the crowd
almost as good as Freddie Mercury. I do not know when he was born.
At college, he was a ball boy at first. Let’s forget about all that though.
One time, Scottie got in some serious trouble with me. He started
kicking ass. And I say of course you know him from the Chicago Bulls.
I knew him from what he did to the New York Knicks. One time, when
I was watching the NBA on NBC. Scottie was there and he was busting
ass once again. Only this time it really hurt me because it was during
the playoffs against the Knicks. I had bet money on this game. I got
so pissed that he was busting that I started to take a deep breath to
calm myself down. I was breathing like a super Hoover. I saw my
TV screen starting to change shape, and Scottie’s face was in it and
it looked like he was coming out of the Television. He quickly shot a
buzzer beater and beat the New York Knicks. I kept on breathing harder
and harder and harder and harder and hard- so hard that his ass came
out of that television and he fell on my coffee table.
There was an awkward pause when he landed there. The both of us
knew not what to do. Since I was the one that sucked him through my
television, I broke the ice and spoke first. I said, “Are you okay? Do you
need a Band-Aid, would you like some Gatorade? Would you like some
Lemonade or PowerAde or Rolaids or a warm towel for the forehead?”
Scottie said, “I will pass on everything but the Gatorade, thanks.” So I
fixed him some fruit punchy Gatorade. Scottie took a generous sip and
said, “Hello, I am Scottie. You know me as the world famous Scottie
Pippen.” And I said, “I’m sorry I sucked you through my television, but
you were making me crazy because I am a fan of the New York Knicks.”
“It’s ok,” said Scottie “Things like this happen almost all the time. It’s an
occupational hazard for any great, great athlete. Don’t worry about a
thing, I’m insured.” After Scottie said that, I had begun to relax, and I
introduced myself. “Hello, my name is Michael. Welcome to my house.”
Scotties face lit up and he said “OH, YOUR NAME IS MICHAEL? THAT’S
MY BEST FRIEND’S NAME!” And then we shook hands, and we gave
high fives, and from that point on we were the best of best friends to the end.
When Scottie was not busy playing NBA championship caliber
basketball we hung out and embarked on numerous adventures. We
went hiking in the high mountain deserts of New Mexico, and we did a
bit of soul searching in California, both in Disneyland and in Joshua Tree
National Park. We went surfing in Hawaii and we saw the northern lights
in Canada and we built seven low rider cars in Houston, Texas. One time,
when we were on the seven seas we went on this one adventure where we
fought a bunch of pirates and took their gold and strange stones. We
didn’t beat them up that bad. We just beat them up bad enough to take
millions of dollars worth of gold and strange stones. As time went by,
we confided in each other more and more. I would call him to talk about
the girls and he would call me when he was scared he would get traded
and we would tell each other we had nothing to worry about.
I met this one girl, and she was special, but I didn’t think it was
serious until after Scottie Pippen gave me the thumbs up after a double
date for burritos at Tito’s Tacos in Los Angeles, California. I eventually
married the lady, and she became the missus, and Scottie was the best
man of the wedding. He got a little goofy off champagne and gave a
funny speech about how we met, and then he got pretty emotional and
compared a wedding ring to one of the six championship rings he received
with the great Chicago Bulls. When Scottie retired, he was sad and a little
scared to say the truth. I told him that there were millions of adventures
for him to go on, and an elegant career of coaching; team ownership and
colorcommentary awaited him. He relaxed after that, and he’s been quite
happy ever since then. Scottie Pippen and I still hang out quite a bit. I can
tell you that we still get ourselves into all sort of nonsense with our clever,
outrageous and elegant adventures. I call Scottie Pippen from time to time,
and I can call Scottie Pippen on the telephone right now. I can prank call
him, or have a normal conversation or have an emotional conversation with
him right now. He can also do the same things to me. I can honestly tell
you that Scottie Pippen is the greatest. I can even tell you this for real, in
a court of law, under oath.
THE END